For Now

There are times when I don't feel I deserve anything, especially happiness. When it's a struggle to take delight in anything around me....people, nature, anything. Today has been one of those days. I'm finding it hard to be strong, to be the person God wants me to be.

I don't measure up and I'm constantly drowning in my feelings of inadequacy. I feel that in some way or another I let everyone I know down...and consequently myself as well. It's difficult to walk around with insecurities and burdens.

What's the answer? Will I ever be able to measure up? Will I ever be completely satisfied with who I am?

I would venture to say the answer is NO! that is not until I give it over to God.

Lord,
help me to surrender my struggles and burdens. I lay them at your feet.

Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Well....it certainly has been a long time since I have last posted! I would love to sugar coat the truth and say that the last few months have been amazing and I've conquered many of my struggles, but that would just not be true.Looking back I would describe these past few months as being some of the most difficult. There were some days I was just tried of trying.

side note:
I hesitate sometimes to write my feelings out. I fear being so vulnerable, but then I have to stop and think...If I'm feeling this way there has to be other women feeling the same. I want them to know that there is some out there that can share in their struggles, that can relate. Otherwise it could be a very lonely feeling. So, that is what gives me the strength to write.

When you wake up every day with a horrible feeling of inadequacies and you live that way day after day, with a good day sandwich in between every so often, you get tired...tired of fighting. That is how I was feeling. I felt uncomfortable in my skin. I thought I needed to lose weight, buy nicer clothes, do my hair a certain way....but even when I exercised an excessive amount, and bought new clothes and did my hair a different way, I still felt empty. I still felt like I didn't measure up.

I've come to realize again (I say again, because this thought has entered my brain on more than one occasion) that I won't EVER measure up to what the world says I should look like or feel like! It's impossible and I shouldn't want to be like them...I should want to be what God has created me to be. Why is it so difficult for me to understand that I was made perfect..just they way I am. I won't be made perfect by making myself look like Hollywood says I should look.


Psalm 139: 13-16

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

These past few months I have lost the battle many times, because I have tried to fight on my own. Why did I think I could do it on my own...I needed Jesus! He is King of all and He has already won the battle! There is nothing He does not know. He knows the struggles you are going through, He knows why, He know how to conquer them...

My relationship with my Lord is a work in progress, but I don't want to wake up everyday feeling the way I have been...I'm giving it over to my Savior, for my burden is too heavy but His yoke is light.

I love this song by Hillsong United...my favorite part..."no weapons forged against me shall remain" With Jesus nothing can hold me down or wage war against me...I'm on the winning side.

What battles are our in right now? What do you need to give over to God?


The Desert Song
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

Jesus...My Hero.

I'm sure some of you have seen this skit before....but every time I watch it it almost brings me to tears. It hurts me to know how many struggling people there are in this world...and I'm one. I've been caught up in the things of the world. I've succumbed to some of the pressures that Hollywood and this world squash you with. I've always wanted to achieve perfection, but my failing was that I was measuring my perfection to the worlds standards and not Christ's standards. There was never any satisfaction in my life, I always felt I never measured up. Praise the Lord I don't have to struggle anymore...I'm redeemed by the blood of Christ. Thank you Jesus for fighting for me and saving me. I don't have to work to make myself perfect anymore, I am perfect...in Christ. I'm made in His imagine and He loves me just the way I am.

Jesus...You are my hero!!

Please if you are struggling let Him be your HERO! It's all He wants.

What is keeping you from letting Jesus rescue you from your struggles?

Christmas = Christ's Love

I Love Christmas... the smells, the traditions, the food, the time we have to spend with family and friends, and, yes, even the cheesy Hallmark movies. I love it all!!!

During the Christmas season we find ourselves being inundated with everything the world tells us Christmas should be...We should be spending as much money as possible, to buy the biggest and best gifts for one another. We should be stressed out running from store to store. Competition is in the air, who got the most expensive, or most cherished gift. Is this your idea of Christmas?

What I am going to suggest is a different kind of Christmas. One that is filled with LOVE, and PEACE. Mine is a Christmas centered around CHRIST.

Giving and getting gifts is not a bad thing. What I am saying is that above all the world tells us Christmas is...is what it really is. It's a time to celebrate the birth of our Savior! Think about how he came into the world. How he lived the perfect life. How he treated and loved others. Shouldn't we try to be more like HIM? He gave of Himself in the greatest why possible, He gave his life for us! For you, for me, for your neighbor, your brother, your enemy! Why is it so hard for us to give just a little? This Christmas I encourage you to give of your time, spend extra time with family and friends. Take time to help a stranger or person in need, and give someone a chance to see Jesus in you!

BUT don't STOP there...continue throughout the year...imagine all the people you can effect. Spread JESUS. LOVE people. Help them see JESUS and the true meaning of Christmas. I promise it's contagious ;)

Enjoy this video...the inspiration for this blog!

Thanksgiving

The Act of Giving Thanks

I know I'm a day late in this blog, Thanksgiving was yesterday, but to me thanksgiving is something that we need to practice on a daily basis. It's not just a day when we stuff our face with turkey and pumpkin pie. The act of giving thanks is a verb, an action. We need to tell people and more importantly God what we are thankful for. My husband and I started a new routine a year or so ago. Everyday we tell each other three things we are thankful for that day. But, I don't think we should stop there, we need to express to God our thanksgivings.

" Let us come before God with Thanksgiving..." Psalm 95:2

" Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise..." Psalm 100:4

" Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything with prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding , will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

" I thank my God every time I remember you..." Philippians 1:3

Thank you God for:
Loving me even when I choose not to love myself. Thank you for creating me just the way I am. Forgive me when I do not love myself, your creation, the way I should. Thank you for blessing me with a husband who loves me more than I sometimes deserve. Who above all desires to be in right standing with you! Thank you for a family that has encouraged me and raised me in a God fearing home. Thank you for working in my life and molding more and more everyday to become more like you!

What are you thankful for? I encourage you to go out and tell someone today why you are thankful for them...

"Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe..."
Hebrews 12: 28

Two Boxes

The Two Boxes

I have in my hands two boxes Which God gave me to hold; He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black, And all your joys in the gold."

I heeded His words, and in the two boxes Both my joys and sorrows I store; But though the gold became heavier each day, The black was as light as before.

With curiosity, I opened the black; I wanted to find out why-- And I saw, in the base of the box, a hole Which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to God and mused aloud, "I wonder where my sorrows could be." He smiled a gentle smile at me. "My child, they're all here with Me."

I asked, "God, why give me the boxes, Why the gold, and the black with the hole?" "My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings, The black is for you to let go."

--Author unknown.

There are so many worries, and sorrows that burden us and weigh us down. How great is it to know that we have a God who delights in taking those sorrows from us.

As his child I am LOVED beyond any earthly LOVE. He LOVES me so much that he wants to take my burdens from me, so my black box will never become heavy! My soul can be at rest in Him...what a beautiful thought. God only wants us to count our blessings not our sorrows.

So many times I fail at this....daily I struggle with looking at the wonderful blessings in my life. It's so much easier for me to focus on the worries of the day.

Lord, help me to place my worries, and sorrows in my black box. Thank you for carrying my burdens and leaving only blessings for me to count. Help me to focus on the wonderful gifts that you have given me today, tomorrow, and forever!

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
~ 1 Peter 5:7

LOVE...

So...it's been quite sometime since I have blogged. The past few days I have been busy with a persistent fever and cold. It hasn't been fun, but God has blessed me with an amazing husband and family that has cared for me unconditionally. I LOVE my family SO much!!!

To my BELOVED HUSBAND,
Thank you for your LOVE. Everyday I rediscover why I am the most fortunate woman in the world. I fall more in LOVE with you every minute. This past week has been the most fulfilling, despite being sick, I have loved every second of it. We don't have to be deep in conversation, just being with you makes me ridiculously happy :)
Thank you for working so hard to make my dreams a reality. Thank you for all you sacrifice to make me comfortable and happy. Thank you for making me smile everyday, even when I'm upset. Thank you for taking care of me when I am sick. Thank you for helping me grow closer to our LORD and SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST! I am unspeakably proud of you.

Thank you. for your LOVE. I LOVE you. more than words.